Jessie raised her eyebrows…

Jessie raised her eyebrows, “My mother?”

“Yes, just a sweet note in a lovely sympathy card with some scripture passages,” Kat nodded at Jessie’s incredulous stare, “I know, but it was really sweet. I would have never thought of Miss Julia as a scripture quoting person myself.”

Jessie took a long drink finishing off her chardonnay, “Well I’ll be hanged.”

“Oh and it was so sweet of Jimmy to come up. He looked so handsome in that neat suit,” Kat said as she began to pick up their glasses and bottle.

“Oh yes,” Jessie said and opened the back door, “That’s his Roy Orbison suit.”

“Who?”

“You know,” Jessie started to hum then busted out into song, “Pretty woman…walking down the street, pretty woman…the kind I’d like to meet.”

Kat shook her head good naturedly, “Oh you are too much. Your whole family is just a bunch of characters.”

Jessie hopped up on the counter next to the sink, “Oh honey it’s good to see you smile. And it’s funny you should say that. I call most of the people in Chancy my characters. Oh but I love ‘em.”

Kat rinsed out the wine glasses slowly, “You know you do seem so happy, and dare I say relaxed? I mean, where did my caffeine chugging adrenaline junky best friend go?”

“I think she slipped into a great pair of jeans and lost herself in a beautiful laid back town,” Jessie grinned.

“Ooh you should write that down,” Kat said as she threw a dishtowel at Jessie to dry.

Before Jessie could get started drying she heard the kids and Justine coming through the garage.

“Ant Jesssss!” hollered a frozen tongued Kaylie “I got yoh ickle sno cone!”

Jessie turned around and picked up Kaylie as she barreled through the door, “mmmm this looks like only half a pickle snow cone.”

Kaylie’s bright blue snow cone stained lips grined, “yup, the rest fell in Kris’ lap, but I didn’t do it.”

Jessie set Kaylie down and went to pull Kris out of Justine’s arms, “Gimme that snow cone bandit!”

I’m not worried about the money…

“I’m not worried about the money, Greg took great care to make sure things were always in order,” Kat said as she stood up to stretch and wrap her arms around her shoulders. “What am I going to do?”

Kat looked Jessie square in the eye, “He and those children are my whole world. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and a mother, with all my heart,” then she began to ramble, “But I don’t know what kind of mother I’ll be without him here to balance me, I mean can I be enough for the kids, just me? I can’t imagine going to work now. I don’t really have to for quite a while, but still. I just can’t imagine waking up in that bed every morning without negotiating with him over who gets the first shower.”

That’s when the quiet tears started to flow. Real grief. This wasn’t the shocked, stricken sobs that had greeted Jessie on the phone, but the real deep grief of true loss. It was humbling to see, and it tore at Jessie that she couldn’t take away the pain from someone she loved like a true sister. She stood up and walked over to Kat, stroking her back and tilting her head against Kat’s. They stayed like that for a while as Kat just cried.

“Kat there’s no fix, no one answer I can give you,” Jessie said, “You’re an amazing mother, and when you’re not quite so scared, you’ll remember that. And maybe right now, you don’t need to wake up in that bed upstairs and miss Greg every morning. What do you say, you and the kids come down for that weekend you planned on? Get away from the house for a few days for some fresh air.”

Kat ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, “It’s not a bad idea. I’m sure the kids could use a change of scenery for sure.”

“Okay then,” Jessie said resolutely, “When Mama J gets back with the kiddos we’ll see what needs to be done here, and make plans to head to Chancy on Friday. Okay?”

Kat gave Jessie a gentle smile, “Okay if you make the plans and I go on autopilot?”

“Sure…I like being the boss,” Jessie grinned.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Kat said with a small chuckle.

“Okay,” Jessie challenged back good-humouredly; “I’ll tell you that if Mama J and the kids don’t bring me back a pickle snow cone pretty soon they’re all in for a round of noogies.”

“Speaking of mamas, did I tell you I got the loveliest letter from your mother?” Kat asked.

Jessie knew her well enough to know…

Jessie knew her well enough to know Kat didn’t want her to answer that question. Jessie had been waiting for this. For Kat to slow down enough, to let things sink in, and then to talk them all out.

When Jessie had walked in to Justine’s house two weeks ago, she wasn’t surprised to find the family bundled into the kitchen where Kat felt most in control. Justine snuggled with baby Kris and little Kaylie. Justine had this great hearth area with two overstuffed chairs with their backs to the kitchen and to the breakfast table. She was seated in one of those chairs with Kris asleep against one shoulder and Kaylie leaning up against her other shoulder. Kat was holding a cried-out Kyle in her arms at the breakfast table, and she looked solid as a rock. Jessie had sat her bags down and walked over to Kat, kissing her on the head.

Kyle had looked up with a very serious face for a six-year-old and said, “Aunt Jess, sorry to say…” and his lip wobbled, “but Daddy went to heaven and he’ll be gone from now on.”

Jessie almost lost it right then and there, but managed to pick the little guy out of Kat’s lap. “I’m so sorry sugar-pie,” she said while she kissed him on the forehead. She had already promised herself not to tell the kids it would be all right or any of those other empty words people tried to comfort the grieving with. She held out her hand to Kat who had gripped it like a vice.

But Kat had rallied strongly, put the kids to bed in their sleepover room, and come back downstairs with her chin held high. Justine was showing Jessie to the downstairs guest room when Kat came to the door. “If I’m going to survive the next few days I need you to keep me focused on the task at hand,” she said firmly, “I can’t handle the thoughts of …future without him. Don’t baby me, let’s just get done what needs to get done. I’ve done all the wallowing I can spare for now.”

She’d walked out of the room and hadn’t let either of them say a word. And she’d been as solid as Gibraltar.

Until now.

It had been two weeks…

It had been two weeks since Greg’s funeral and memorial services. Jessie and Kat were on Kat’s back porch with the hum of summer in the air and the sound of traffic not too far away. They sat at a bistro-style table and Kat had her feet up on Jessie’s lap. They had a nice organic Chardonnay they were sipping as they waited for the evening to fall. It was finally quiet.

Jessie mused, what was it about the calm after the storm? She picked up her glass and tapped the base against Kat’s toes to get her attention. “Hey you.”

Kat opened her eyes and gave Jessie a half-smile, “Yes?”

“You dozing off or thinking?”

“Mmm,” Kat said as she sipped her wine, “Thinking. Thinking about how all week long I just wanted some quiet time. I wanted all the well-intended phone calls and visits to stop and I just wanted silence.”

“And…” Jessie prompted.

“And now I don’t,” Kat said as her eyes got misty, “Now I want something to take my mind off of this big gaping hole in this house.”

Kat slid her feet off Jessie’s lap and sat up, taking another slow drink from her glass. She took a slightly ragged breath and looked up at Jessie. “What in the hell am I going to do?” she asked.